Migraines

I don't think anyone realizes that I have experienced most of my life in a fog. A fog that lingered daily in my brain letting the pain pulsate in veins and arteries of my face and scalp. Sharp, excruciating jolts of pain, that is, would strike at the back of my eyes, as if its ridiculously long fingernails would tear each nerve ending out and squish it between its toes. If pain had toes.

They say that the pain itself causes nausea. And if I puked my brains out, I felt a little better, but never quite well. And again, the pain lingered, day in and day out, like an aura shadowing me. Was I better when the migraine went away? Sure, I would tell you, and I told you that because you were tired of hearing about my stupid migraines.

They would say, it's because you probably have high blood pressure. Think again. I was in elementary when these started, doctor. (Oh, you're not a doctor?--then don't diagnose me.) Yes, I was in elementary, spending lunch, mornings, or afternoon in the nurse's office. She believed me. Mom believed me. She had to. She had the ugly demon as well. She even sent medication so I could make it through the school day. Pathetic--only in elementary.

Sure, I won't lie. Some days sucked. Some days I made it through, and you never knew a difference. You didn't know did you? Well, I hid it well. In college, I self-medicated with alternative medications, I guess you could say. And after my car accident, it seemed like the roll and total of my car shook my brain up a bit. Knocked a few nerves out of place. Probably should have had a catscan. (Yes, Mom, I will admit that.) And shortly after, a buzzing in the back of my brain appeared. Migraines that used to last a couple of days now lasted a couple of weeks. Constant. Buzzing. Fog. They were significantly worse. Catastrophic. The pain affected my legs. I couldn't move, but I had the shakes. I lived in darkness. I went to work. (I had to.) I would drive home, and couldn't remember how I got there. I would spend the afternoon in bed, sleep and start all over again when morning came.

At this point in my life, the doctor gave me barbituates, which inherently saved my life. And for the record, I may have been on a loopy high, but I finally felt clear, strong. The fog lifted, but for a little while.

And you wonder now, did things get better? Years later, yes, I can say they did. I changed my diet due to other health reasons to a lactose-free, gluten-free lifestyle, and now for the most part I do feel better. I have not refilled my barbituates since November of 2009.

Am I migraine free though? Well...every once in awhile, just when I think I'm sitting pretty, the migraine sharpens its claws on the back of my brain, grabs my eyeballs, and squeezes.